FULL

It occurred to me today, after feeling full after a full day of teaching....where fullness really comes from.

What is it really to be fulfilled?
It's space created in our hearts and our lives we fill with that which means the most to us. 

 I know friends of mine who are full with love in their homes, lil' kiddies running around, and otherwise complete and total chaos.  Others are completely full with accomplishment, from running a business that leaves them feeling successful career-wise, with a line of clients waiting to hear back from them, and a to-do list that only gets longer and longer and longer.

Today, I realized what fulfills me is sharing this gift of Yoga and Ayurveda.
And honestly....sometimes I feel like a fraud.  Like....what am I talking about?  Where did I learn this?  And very honestly, the infamous....how the hell do I know THAT?  Never mind why anyone on this planet is really listening to me.

My Ayurveda trainees were asking today how to know how to approach or "handle" certain clients. The realizations you come to through self examination are pretty intense ones, and are not always realizations we're game to own up to.  It was a sweet question really and one that's answer is purely one of experience.

But that question....that one sweetly naive question is the one that made me realize where I've been and what I've become.  It made me walk away from class today feeling as full as I can remember.

THIS is why I wanted to do what I do.  THIS is why I've spent the gazillions (okay...that's an exaggeration.  But I've invested a lot) of bucks in the trainings I've placed myself in.  THIS is reason I know anything, and also the reason students are willing to listen.  THIS is why students are asking me the tough questions.  THIS is the reason I am even surrounded by students.

It also occurred to me that this fullness is present most when the belief in myself is present. 
More confidence and less fear.  
More of being humble, and less of my ego.  
More of working from the heart, than coming from any place else.

It's like igniting a spark, all on your own. 

Love, love, LOVE 

RESTLESS

Heartache in the depths of you...
Something bigger, something different
Brilliant, Fulfilling, Big...

Bigness that's ready to burst
Right from the heart of you.
Something truer, something that's more....you.

You don't know what it is yet
You're still feeling out it's qualities
...and what it's capable of.

It's capable of making you.
Leading you to the truest version of you.
It leads you to the colors of your soul..
The rhythm of your heart.

Its okay to not know it fully yet yet.
As long as you're feeling it fully.
And allowing it unconditionally.

Its human.  Its real.
Its unknown.

TIDES

As much of a lover of nature that I am....mother nature and human nature....my heart and full spirit are always with the ocean.

For whatever reason, even after it's peak season this year, it's been calling me.  Beach umbrella's, sunblock, scorching warmth, flesh, crowds.....it's all gone.  Its not it's season.  Fall beckons the real lovers...the surfers and the seagulls in truth have never left.  What you see more of are the fishermen, daydreamers, and others just like myself who are called there.

Admittedly I've been a fair weather admirer.  I haven't always visited the ocean past its peak season. A few times in the fall, but it was half-hearted.  This Fall is the first time I really carved out the space to see it's qualities beyond whats most desirable.  Also admittedly, I had expectations of this incredible force of nature.

I mean...it's Fall, right?  I expected more sand dunes in prep for fall/winter storms, intense tides, cold winds, ,less people, more surf.  In fact, I expected the ocean to be fierce!  To be tumbling and churning creating all that "change" that comes with the shift in season!

The first time off-season I stepped into the sand....I saw the extra sand dunes, I saw less people, and I also saw serenity.  Not just a quality in the people who were there enjoying and respecting the oceans true nature, but the ocean itself was completely serene.  Just being what it was.  No fierceness visible. Some surfers were talking about a serious under-tow preventing them from standing on their boards, but the surfers respected it.  Didn't mess with it.  And everyone was safe.

The colors were different.  The sky was less blue and more grey.  Depending on which visit maybe the wind picked up a little, maybe the sun was pleasantly available, or maybe the clouds rolled in. The sand is always cool. But the serenity and pure truth of this Fall ocean has never changed.  It simply is what it is, regardless of my initial expectations.  Or anyone's expectations.

When I breathe in this concept, what I breathe out is judgement.  Putting labels or stress or identification on what things "should" be.  The tides of the ocean (read:life) don't need to be dramatic.
Shifts may be necessary and almost at this time of year a habit....but they don't have to be forced. Learning how to let a person, place or situation simply be what it wants to be is the biggest shift we all could ever welcome.  Respecting where it's all at without expecting more.

Who knew the tides in their true nature could teach us to be us?

THE SELF

I feel like everything I've written, and everything I will write is ever dependent on "the self"".

Our self.  Ourselves.

Humanity.  Human Nature.  Human conditions.  Human error.
How we move through life as individuals, and as a collective.

I've watched the people I love dearly, past and present, trembling at the idea of knowing themselves.

As many times as I practice yoga weekly, or my sadhana daily...there are days, sometimes weeks at a time that I actively try to drift from myself.  Drift from the practices and work of knowing just to.....not know.

Know what?
Know me.  Myself.  All my inner workings and kinks that make me the glorious individual that I've become, and are still becoming.

The fear that I see in others, and in myself...is simply sad.
Because the truth is...I think we're all lovely.

The dreamer in me likes to see the idiosyncrasies of us all and believe they exist so we can find some common ground with one another.  Like a mirror, we can see the judgement and the harshness reflected and just by mere observation know that what we have going on...what we're dealing with....is never as bad as we think it is.  We're our own worst critics and it's a useless, tragic waste of our time.

If we can let go of expectations and literally place ourselves in the experiences of our lives....well...I think we'd all feel differently.  Knowing "the self" / ourselves is like not knowing the outcome of an x-ray, or a job interview, or a pregnancy test or any test life tosses our way.  It's the fear of the unknown.  We are creatures who are ever evolving.  It's impossible to know what crazy thing we're going to do next.  Or what the person next to us might do. Lets admit it, that terrifies us.  We like control.

The truth is....we have that control.
If were willing to admit it, most of us already have a profound knowledge of who we are at our core.  If we can stop judging that for mere moments at a time, we'll find that who we are always exists.  It's always there.

There may be clouds.  It might (shit)storm....there might even be lightening.  Whatever the circumstance, the core of us always exists in it's purest of form.

It's up to us to know that truth.  Everyday.
And allow it to shine through.

LOST

It feels good to be in February.  Joyous, almost!

February means a few things...

- It hosts Groundhog Day.  And even if he sees his shadow it gives us a reason to say "Spring" or "end of Winter" just a few more times than it normally has.

- It hosts Valentines Day.  Even while homogenized...it gives everyone the excuse to access the heartspace conciously if even for one day.

- Its the shortest month of the year....which means March, and it's start of Spring isn't too far behind!

By this time of year I often find myself lost.  Or more like submersed into the complacency that is Winter.  Along with most I've traditionally wanted to move less, eat more, and my lose myself in rest.

As I look out at the New York City snow imagining the additional 5-10 inches that are forecast to fall from the sky in the next 24 hours, I wonder....what's so bad about getting lost??

There's an inner connection that can happen with feeding ourselves and resting ourselves.  In fact, Mother Nature gives us Winter so that we'll do just that.  Go within.  There's a certain comfort that comes with making soups, chili's, laying on the couch covered in blankets with coffee.  And why is any of that "bad" or "unproductive".  The truth is it's not.

The lack of interest in dealing with the elements could quite possibly supply greater interest in dealing with ourselves.  Maybe it's time to ignite the fire in a fitness or yoga class, ignite our minds in a workshop or higher learning course, or to finish projects that linger in our mind or linger unfinished.  And for some of us, it's a force sending us to a rest that's so desperately needed.  A force that teaches us how to truly nourish.

I'm beginning to think of this time as foundational.  Setting the stage, if you will.  So that Spring and Summer could be even more fulfilling and our actions a little closer to our hearts.  And our truth.

This is the time to dig a little deeper in warmth, comfort, and safety.

A time to move steathly, and at your own pace...while peeling back layer after layer of desire.

Right now, I'm just loving that those desires in us still exist.  While new ones are unfolding. 

Underneath all the layers we've piled on, we're still free to be our badass selves!

SOUL

I'm not afraid to admit my soul is intertwined with yours.
Tonight...I knew the moment you thought of me.
And I knew it was you, who was reaching for me.

I'm sorry the world is what it is, and your fear is what you fear.
That fear isn't me...the world isn't me.
Just your soul.  Just your love. Just my soul.  Just my love.

Our love isn't logic,
It's not planned,
And it's definitely not perfect.
But it's perfect enough.
It's just what we need....

To live
To soar...
Beyond where we let ourselves
Into our unknown perfection...

Love is love
You are you.
I am me...
And together our souls live.

POSSIBILITY

In another life...another time...another space, the title of this blog post would be "CHANGE".

I prefer to shift perspective.

Fall is never a joyous time for me.  Ever.
I relish in warmth, sunshine....and I thrive on the ocean.

I've literally had to learn how to appreciate Fall and all it brings with it.  I've had to teach myself how to relax.  Maybe sleep an hour later.  To not always have something to do. To ground.

This Fall particularly has felt....dramatic.  I was away for the start of the transition and once I came home, I was knocked off balance.  Things were shifting and whirling around me.  I literally, for once, had no idea where I'd end up.

And honestly....is that so bad?
The not knowing?

Some would say yes...and I'd usually be part of that majority.  But this time I let the winds take me where they may.  I figured I'd land where I'd land, and that I'd be safe.  Because, well...my soul is my soul.  That will never change.

So...turns out, I've landed.  Into this place of possibility.  Into this place of receptivity and....vastness.  If I keep my heart and my mind open just a little bit longer (like, forever)...who knows where I'll end up.

Imagine.....

The vastness....
The possibilities....
The LOVE...

VULNERABILITY

Vulnerability means letting the world see you.

It's raw....It's exposure...

It's the disregard of fears...

Its movement from your heart...

Its the surrender to your truth.

I carry your heart with me 
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear: and whatever is done by only me is your doing, darling)

I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and its you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

~e.e. cummings

FEARLESS

Today I decided it was about time to unnerve myself.

So...naturally...I decided to give Aerial Yoga a try.

I was quite impressed with myself.  There was one pose I was unable to do, there was one pose where I utterly surprised myself, and there was a pose that I was far too afraid of.

I'm not going to lie, I've been a slave to my fears as of late.

There seems to be a lot of sadness surrounding me.  Friends and dear loved ones who's hearts are breaking.  So, naturally...I feel like I'm keeping my soul hidden for safety reasons.

It's surprising to me, because daily I choose to live so fearlessly.  There's not too much about my existence that says "delicate flower".  Yet here I am...craving safety.

Don't get me wrong...there's NOTHING wrong with securing your self, or your soul.  But there is such a thing as getting too comfortable there.  Getting comfortable with just sailing by, without too much excitement. Or really...effort.  It's not really a lack of motivation, it's more like a protective shell.

A shell someone like me just isn't able to tolerate.

We're fierce, and then we fumble.

There's a high tide, and a low tide.

There's embers, and then there's a flame.

We embrace, and we let go.

This is the fluidity we call life.  The ebb and flow which challenges us, big or small.  We're never not moving into this fluidity, and through it.  We make choices and the push and pull arises as we move through the paths we choose.  

At some point...somewhere in our late teens...we start to lose touch with that fearlessness.  That fiery existence that doesn't quiver at the thought of outside elements.  That fire burns deep within us.

As I was hanging upside down terrified by an extra large piece of cloth, it occurred to me that some of that fire would do me good.  As I moved around this cloth I decided to get more comfortable in the unknown...because I was supported by something almost equally unknown (the cloth).  And really...that's the honest to god truth.

We're supported.  Say it out loud....."I'm supported!"

We're supported by our souls, and were supported by our hearts.  Were supported by friends and our loved ones.  We're supported by our laughter.  We're supported by our bones, our muscles, and the dear ground beneath us.  We're supported by....who cares?  The bottom lines is, WE ARE SUPPORTED.

If we can move out of our minds and move from our hearts fear becomes less.  Fear becomes silly, almost. If we allow ourselves to believe in ourselves and whatever it is that supports us, we move differently through this world filled with...."stuff".

Lets get careless...just a little.

Let's get unpredictable, and surprise ourselves.

Let's get real, and move from a deeper place!

Love, love LOVE!

EMBRACE

I've been getting a lot of slack lately...
...and by slack, I mean lots of strange and doubtful looks.

These looks surface when I talk about my nutrition habits...

In the last 2-3 years I've started taking a serious interest in what goes into and onto my body.  Please know, I'm not here to judge my former habits...or any habits of yours.  I'm very aware of why I've made some choices, and I'm aware of why you might be too.  And the thing is...it's OK.  Until it's not.  If the choices you're making are leaving you feeling healthy inside and out, then I'm proud of you!!  If there's even a hint of disease...belly disease, heart disease, disease from sugars, acid reflux, celiac's, gluten intolerance...then I'll be extremely proud of you if you read on with an open mind!

The thing is...if I were looking back at me 5 years ago I'd probably be giving myself the same looks.   These looks are of curiosity, doubt, and are without knowledge.  When I learned I had a gluten intolerance initially, I actually ignored it for about a year.  Living without the foods I had lived with for so long seemed ludicrous! How could my body, OVERNIGHT, be rejecting the things I've eaten since I could ingest solid foods?

The answer is easy....my body was never welcoming of those foods.  It was slowly deteriorating trying to digest them.  My body and I were now having a Come to Jesus.

The hardest truth of the whole matter was, I was fearful of looking deeper into my diet.  I didn't want to think or talk about food...I wanted to EAT it!  Why did I need to think about my food and how my body works with it?  That wasn't part of the deal...we didn't learn that growing up!  And that's just it...99% of us were not taught to look at what was on our plate.  We weren't taught to source our foods locally.  Its OKAY!  It's no one's fault...it's just what we learned.  Processed foods were easy and convenient, therefore nutritional value was not important.  We just didn't know...

...but, now we do.

GMO is a household term, and belly diseases from food are more and more common.  Drug stores are carrying gluten free products...and probiotics to restore gut health.  Friends and family members are co-op sharing to get the freshest and most seasonal produce available to them.  Mothers are researching diets for both themselves and their child so that optimal health can be provided to both mother and child.  There are now options available for not just gluten allergies, but dairy and nut allergies.  Most if not all are pretty easy to find, especially with a quick Google search.

Now...the knowledge is available.  That was probably the most fun for me...acquiring the knowledge. STILL acquiring the knowledge...as to what works, what might not, and where things are coming from.  But mostly, being okay with the change.  Being okay with moving away from what's been conditioned in me, and knowing I'll be in better health for it.  Being okay with investing just a small amount of time to read labels and find the information.

What do you do with all that knowledge?  Try not to latch onto any fads, like going gluten free by choice. Talk to a nutrition professional about your questions.  Preferably outside of the healthcare realm (read: go holistic), but thats a matter of (my) opinion.

People may be looking at me funny, but they're also looking at me differently.
I'm lighter, I'm brighter...and it's organically showing from the inside out.
All because I've finally decided to EMBRACE food...

Think about it....

Love, love, LOVE!

NATURE

April is a busy month.

I just spent a few days on the West Coast where nature is at full throttle.  I was by the ocean, and I sat in the sunshine.  Everything around me was in bloom, and I was surrounded by palm trees in 90 degrees.

I came home to NY, and as I walked my usual walk to the subway this morning...I looked up.  I heard the birds, felt the sunshine, and saw everything around me ready to burst and bloom!  My favorite thing about Spring is...the freshness of the leaves and flowers.  You can see their grooves, and literally see their DNA as if they're newly born.  You can smell spring in the air...it just WANTS to happen!

So please, enjoy this.  While I sleep off the jetlag and dream of warmer breezes....

Winters know
Easily to shed the snow,
And the untaught Spring is wise
In cowslips and anemones.
Nature, hating art and pains,
Baulks and baffles plotting brains;
Casualty and Surprise
Are the apples of her eyes;
But she dearly loves the poor,
And, by marvel of her own,
Strikes the loud pretender down.

For Nature listens in the rose,
And hearkens in the berry's bell,
To help her friends, to plague her foes,
And like wise God she judges well.
Yet doth much her love excel
To the souls that never fell,
To swains that live in happiness,
And do well because they please,
Who walk in ways that are unfamed,
And feats achieve before they're named

.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

PRACTICE

Yes...I am a teacher.

First and foremost, I am a student!

The idea of a "practice" is sometimes less appealing to us.  The idea of repetition, and then repetition quite possibly resulting in failure is just....daunting.  Maybe even a "waste of time".

We're pretty much living in an era of instant gratification.  Hell, if it takes an iPhone more than 10 seconds to respond to our requests we render it useless!  So how on earth are we expected to invest effort into a "practice"?  Because...that's just it.  A true approach to a practice of any sort is an investment in ourselves.

I see it in my students quite a bit.  Frustration that they barely made it on their mats, frustration in a pose, frustration getting out of a pose, frustration breathing or finding themselves on their left side when I cued the right.  I tell my students all the time, if practice held no purpose we'd all be football players and world class pianists.

When you get yourself into a practice, when you become a student of any kind....there is no ultimate.  Only infinite.  Infinite learning, infinite patience, infinite possibilities.

The beauty of investing your time and your efforts is the breakdown.  Eventually, something clicks.  Awareness kicks in and you...get it!  Whether you're practicing yoga, a subject, an instrument, a sport, a trade, or even how to love...keep going.  There are so many obstacles that find their way to our paths...the repetition and determination practice provides IS what helps us overcome. The very concepts we're avoiding and judging are the key!

Whatever you're practicing, you'll fail at least once.  Possibly more than once.

Still...KEEP GOING!

Failure does not define us, nor do our most glamorous achievements.

Courage, strength, determination, and the most humble parts of any practice lead to fulfillment that keeps us going.

Going...to the places too wild to even dream up!

Love, love, LOVE!

YOU

You were my beginning...

I didn't see you coming...
I wasn't ready for you to disarm me.

..but you did it anyway.

Before you, I chose who I let in.
Although it wasn't  love at all.
Living blissfully unaware in a heart that wasn't entirely true.

Before you, I settled.
Inventing qualities in the other that didn't quite exist.
Living in admiration, of nothing.

Before you,  I didn't know forgiveness.
I didn't know to give it, I didn't know to receive it.
Living in a place of complete and utter perfection, all of the time.

Then you.

And there was this mind that knew nothing.
There was this fool that ceased to exist.
I was left wondering what happened.
I was left wondering who you are.
I was left with half my heart.

I feel like I'm in THE MOMENT of my life.
Where this is what's meant to be.
Where I believe in you...
....and let you love me.
We let this become what it wants to be.

Your heart, my heart.

Now you.
Always you.

AWARENESS

This very word is what led me to first cultivate my own yoga practice.
As I dove deeper, the message of awareness is what led me to want to help others.

There's something temporarily blissful, I won't lie, about walking around completely unaware.  Now I compare it to my travels.  When I stumble willingly into an unknown place.  Where I don't know the language, and don't know much about the culture or geographical landscapes.  I'm an outsider looking in, free of responsibility and merely a spectator.

At least, that's what I remember about my approach to life about 14 years ago.  I was unsure why I was such a bulldog in my professional life.  I didn't really know a connection could exist to my inner self, never mind to nature and all the elements around me. I just knew my mind.  Even my heart wasn't fully part of the equation.

Not much of a way to move through life, is it?

When you begin your process of discovering your truth, it usually happens in a time of transition.  Something inside you awakens to something its longing for but does not know how to articulate.  Or how to seek it out.  We're taught as a society to fear the unknown, but when you're in a vulnerable state no matter what the caliber...you walk into the unknown willingly.  There's a refreshing quality, as if something is waiting for you on the other side.  In this case, it's the most authentic version of you you'll ever meet.

Welcoming in the concept of awareness is a quirky one.  It's simplistic in nature.  All you have to do is place your consciousness in places you haven't before.  All you have to do is give yourself time.  All you have to do is give these places proper attention.  What you uncover....well, it's not as simplistic.  You'll find your dualities at your core.  Your pleasures and your pain, your likes and dislikes, your emotions both positive and not so positive, your past and present, your most anticipated dreams and your most dreaded fears.  The vastness of what resides once you place your awareness within yourself is astounding.

Self realization could be overwhelming, but ONLY IF YOU LET IT!

Place acceptance where you once relied on judgement.  Judgement has no place within awareness...only acceptance will help you sift through your consciousness.  The process of realization will be vast, but acceptance will be your dear friend.  Approaching your own nature with a sense of nurture will be the very principle that will allow you to relate your nature to the rest of nature around you.

How are you moving through your life?
Is there a sense of anything that might be missing?
Can you identify an inner connection with yourself?
Do you want to learn more?

While I personally love stumbling into foreign territories and finding my way through the landscape, that's not true to life.  The truth in awareness connects us to ourselves, then to outside life and nature.

And how very, very precious it is.
To feel...connected.

UNCONDITIONAL

Love.
Something I don't pretend to know all that much about.

I'm proud to say I'm still learning about love....we all are.
Learning to love ourselves, our environment, and one another.

It's funny when you think about it...the same things we're trying to love most times seem like the hardest. They're the ones that we sometimes perceive as bringing us down, resisting us, giving us a hard time...and have us questioning ourselves....."do we have enough to give?".

As much as we think we love...there's something absolutely divine in the unconditional way of it.  We meet people in this world who require our unconditional love...while never having to answer to the question "why?".  It's just done.   It just happens. Loving unconditionally doesn't mean our love will be returned.  It doesn't mean we'll be rewarded.  Unconditional, by nature, just isn't about us.

Unconditional love cannot be controlled.  Its beyond reason.  It however, requires receptivity.  This might be the hardest part.  Letting go, and letting love in.  Feeling like we deserve what someone else is about to hand our way so freely.  What makes us deserve this...love?  We feel unworthy.  Unsure.

If you're the one handing out this gift of love, it's one of question...one of mystery.  Because it guides you, not the other way around.  You find yourself in a way with the world around you that you haven't quite experienced.  The forgiveness flows, the compassion undying.

Unconditional love doesn't have to run terribly deep.  It just requires acceptance.  On both parts, really.   I'm not quite sure it's to be understood.  Or if it needs to be.  Because I mean really...LOVE...it's just amazing.

Simplistic by nature, love allows us to expand from the inside out.  No restraints and no expectations.  It allows us to live in the moment and truly experience fully while we're there.  It moves past the existence of our deepest fears and into a place in our hearts that surprises us.

If we surrender to this space, and to the people/places/things offering it to us...well...I feel like it defines the meaning of life.  To be unified...to be vast...to be unafraid...and to be protected.

Unconditional love is around you in some form, in some way.  Welcome the idea of welcoming love into your ever-changing universe.

Everything will change, but love remains the same.

INTENTION

I don't know that I've ever looked up INTENTION in the dictionary until now...

The second definition I read defines INTENTION as "the healing process of a wound".

This is interesting to me, because doing what I do (I teach yoga, btw) I'm constantly watching how people move.  My students specifically, but everyone in general.  Even myself.  

I watch how people flow into their movements, what's restricted and what's free-flowing.  You can tell a lot about a person as you watch their body move.  

It's a general rule of thumb in Yoga that what's deep rooted in the mind and soul manifests itself physically.  The most obvious example I can give are overly stressed individuals with digestive disorders such and Crohn's, IBS, Diverticulitis...the list goes on.  More times than not the discomfort goes untreated, or treated in a way that's simply masking the discomfort...until it just cannot be masked any longer.

For probably the last year I've felt this knot at the back of my heart.  I think it's a manifestation of many things, and more specifically...the place where my fears live.   I felt it all day long...when I woke up, in my asana practice, while out to drinks with friends...it was always present.  A constant sensation of unanswered and lingering emotions, ideas, and creativity.

Finally, in the last few months it became so uncomfortable I decided to confront it.  Not with vigor or aggression...not with any of my ballsy methods, in fact.  I confronted this space with unwavering attention. Attention that for once didn't appear judgmental to myself...attention that simply....paid attention.   Rather than ask myself the who's/what's/when's/where's of this place...I simply let it be, and acknowledged that it resides within me.  I brought anatomy into the equation too...finding a deeper breath (read: space) into my lungs, kidney's, thoracic spine, sacrum, and back waistband.  I let my backbody breathe freely and allowed for more space.   These sensations, although mostly indescribable, I will say did re-introduce me to this healing truth of intention.  Because without fully realizing it, that's what I was practicing.

Yoga talk aside...how many of you are moving with intention?  Mind you, intention does not mean action...intention is a movement of a different sort.  It's a movement of awareness.  And intention as I mentioned...has no room for judgement.  

Asking more directly...is there a space such as this that resides within you?

As I started working with this place, almost instantly the knot went away.  I feel it every now and then...and am making a point to continue working with it during asana.  But the gentle act of acknowledgement that such a place existed within me helped me get familiar with it and actually start to MOVE from it!  It's been one of my most inspirational Yogi Aha Moments to date.

Some of you are going to instantly relate to what it is I'm talking about, and some of you will have an idea at a later time.  Either way, when the time comes definition is not important.  

The healing is what matters.  
It's the movement with intent that matters.

It's the movement from your truth that matters.

Love, love, LOVE

COMMUNITY

The question was posed to me recently...
"How important is community?"

It's an extremely important question when posed in the context of who you've chosen as your yoga "family".  It was also posed to me at an important time...just a few days before I was reunited with 90% of my beloved yoga family.

Before I answer...let me just say a few things about the individuals that make up this family...

As different as each one of us are, our love and respect for one another is unconditional.  The support system is never ending, and judgement is nowhere to be found!  The beauty about us collectively together is that we allow one another to be ourselves.  Freedom and support are abundant here.  And so are a shitload of laughs!

That said...one of my family members gently pointed out to me during our reunion that I wasn't always so....me.  That at one point I was timid, and fearful to explore the gifts I possess.  He mentioned how he's seen me grow into myself...(this is someone I don't see as regularly as I'd like, mind you).  He was right.

Community, to me, first and foremost is allowing YOURSELF to be a part of it.  To get down and dirty with intimacy and accept others for who they are.  To do this, you need to accept yourself first!  I know whole-heartedly that I cannot bring the best to my community if I haven't realized and UTILIZED  my best bits first. I also know whole-heartedly that the best contribution I could have ever given was to love and accept myself  in order for the community to continue to flourish.

We're not a community of dependence, we're one of complete and utter strength.  Strength that comes inside each one of us.

The funny part (not so funny, really) about this concept is....I live in New York.  A place that yes, comes together in times of crisis...but where these concepts of community are fairly skeptical.  To allow this intimacy is to allow vulnerability.  Vulnerability?!?

Yes...vulnerability.  Be vulnerable and be humble.  

Community and the love that comes with it is entirely great, yet entirely humbling at the same time.  It's the next best thing to the family that was chosen for you.  When you have a say...when you have the strength to go deeper for something this worthy..the shift is priceless.

I keep hearing the phrase "you get what you give" a whole lot recently.
And it applies here.

The gifts are boundless.

Love, love, LOVE!

TIME

It seems I've taken the summer off....

Not intentionally, I assure you.  It just sort of happened that way.
Time starts up...and doesn't let go until it's time to move on.  In this case, the next gig is Fall.

Personally, I always dread Fall.  Certainly not for it's vibrant colors, warm layers, pumpkin treats, or football extravaganza's.....mostly Fall just signify's an end.  And a beginning into a place with less light and less....freedom.

This has been my sad perception, at least.

When I get to this place each year...it gets me thinking about time.  Specifically, during this year.

There's always the saying..."time is fleeting".  And there's always the chatter of a child grown so big.  Where did the time go?!  The truth of the matter is, my absence during my favorite season wasn't intentional...but it wasn't quite an accident either.  

I was busy being present.  

Although now, some of my time feels like a million years away (sniff, sniff)  (drama queen!)...I was 100% there.  100% ready to experience and be part of what was happening around me.  And happening in my favorite corners of the earth (mainly, the beach).  I didn't move with agenda, necessarily.  And I didn't quite move with purpose.  For once.

Being purposeful and moving with action have their place, for sure.  But for the last few months...it wasn't their time.  Not with me.  It was time to settle, be present, and take as many full breaths as possible.

This entire concept is hard for even me to understand.  But I do know I let it happen.

And I'm entirely grateful for the space I created.

So now, with the changing winds and changing temperatures...I welcome time's pace.  I put truth and action in the place of fear.  I'll find liberation and freedom inside myself.  I'll allow a deeper sense of presence to touch me in a different way, during this different time.

AND...I'll encourage you to do the same!

Love, love, LOVE!

VIEQUES

Vieques is simply put, the friendliest island I've encountered to date.

Upon immediate arrival, there were so many local residents ready to help in giving a newcomer a lift, concise advise on where and what to visit, bottles of water when you're thirsty, borrowing a working cell phone, even just idle conversation...all with literally no pretense.  I could tell this island was special immediately!

The beaches are exquisite, the island untapped...and the spirit of this island is simple.  It simply just...is.

It reminds me of the mantra.. So-Hum.  So-Hum represents the connectedness of all beings.  The mantra was created with the intention to gain mind/body awareness of oneself.  Through practice one can cultivate understanding of oneself to all beings.

So honestly....what the hell does that mean???

In true Marci fashion...I'll never tell you what you should believe it means.  I will share with you, however, an idea of what it could mean.  I will help you plant the seed, and share an open ended idea...so that you may interpret it's meaning for yourself.

So-Hum is recited on the inhale and exhale of the breath.  Example:
Inhale as you recite "Soooooooooooooo"
Exhale as you recite "Huuuuuuuuummmm"

Vieques is a constant, even flow of the same breath.

When you start to breathe this way...and you recite the mantra (either out loud or to yourself), the ease creeps in.  The release of forward motion.  As you continue to recite this mantra with the breath, the simplicity becomes a way of being.  Without pushing against whatever may be unnatural.  The path we're destined to take becomes clear, mostly because we've taken the pause and created the space with the mantra to connect to what is.  "What Is", is always right in front of us.  

Just like the beaches here, you begin to tap into the exquisite nature of your being.  And the being all around you.  Maybe you'll start to realize that there's no difference between you and that ocean current,  blade of grass, old regal palm tree, mosquito, or rainstorm.  A simple realization washes over you...."I Am". 

"I AM" is a complete sentence".  There's nothing that needs to come before or after it.

And that's it.  Living in the moment and living for what really is...without an agenda or defined "purpose" is where this island, the mantra, and the breath come full circle.  It's where YOU, can come full circle.

Love, love, LOVE!

34

I feel like I've always been the person that knows what she wants.

From an early age...knowing what I believed in, knowing what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and how I've wanted to live.

From time to time, that shifts.
Embarking on my 34th year (but feeling like I'm 21!), I've finally realized some things about love.

Firstly, that love starts with me.  It breeds inside of me....and shines outwardly continuously finding a larger space for love to settle in.  

Secondly...love knows no bounds.  It's unconditional, and always present.  Even if we don't always 100% feel it.

Thirdly.  I cannot compromise my love for the idea of love.
I cannot accept anything less for myself than truth in love.

...remembering that all of this, every single bit, has started with me.  
Recognizing all qualities, and the sum of all parts of me + this universe equal nothing but LOVE.

My birthday wish....is that anyone reading this stumbles upon this love.  

In your own time, in your own space...embracing the bigness to be loved, that is you.