(Well, almost a full day off...I'm still teaching a class this evening. But, that never feels like "work" necessarily.)
I've also decided to treat myself to breakfast. Embarking on a delicious 60 degree day at the start of Spring....this joint is lined with floor to ceiling windows. As I sit here writing I feel wide open. To the sunshine, people walking by, to the music playing setting the mood, and at the risk of sounding corn-tastic....wide open from the heart. Welcoming in all these things to the senses...letting them touch me.
What I haven't said yet is...I took this day off for my Gramps. He parted from us a year ago today.
I didn't plan on writing today...I planned on treating myself and purely observing and just being.
This scenery that I set myself up with today, it reminds me of the lessons my Gramps taught me. My entire life this man was one of the strongest, and sappiest I had ever seen. He was tough as nails, but cried all the time! We, his family, used to tease him endlessly about his faucet-like tears. When we were kids, he'd be the first one to discipline us, but with love. I didn't really know how to appreciate all of this, or even realize what was happening until I approached my 30's. I started to discover what a rare quality this was to have.
The windows I'm staring through at this moment remind me of the windows in time when Gramps would open up, and allow himself to be vulnerable. He'd let things in, let their effects flow through him, and he wasn't afraid to show emotion. Most times I feel like my Gramps was hardly ever "afraid".
He loved us all fiercely, from his own truth. He instilled that truth in all of us, and lived it himself. A lot of times, I see him in my teaching. A precise focus on alignment, safety, and then...exploration. With that, comes a love that runs as deep as you're willing to let it.
Just as I was uncovering all of this about my own Grandfather, I started to see those qualities in myself. I had kept my heart, the best part of me, guarded for so long. It literally took friends YEARS to crack me. But why? If it's the best part of me, my life should be led from my heartspace. But how?
Thinking of Gramps, my answer was clear. Fearlessly.
How brave is it to live and love fearlessly?! How much courage does it take to fully move from a place that holds so much possibility?!
This discovery...well, it left me floored. As I started to explore my heartspace, I found a whole new universe. A new way of relating to friends and family, the world around me, and most importantly...myself. I learn more about this space every minute of every day.
It's been the most valuable lesson of my life.
So to this man...who in theory gave me life, gave me love, and opened up his world to me so that I might find mine....I say, I love you.
From the deepest depth of my heart.
