POSSIBILITY

In another life...another time...another space, the title of this blog post would be "CHANGE".

I prefer to shift perspective.

Fall is never a joyous time for me.  Ever.
I relish in warmth, sunshine....and I thrive on the ocean.

I've literally had to learn how to appreciate Fall and all it brings with it.  I've had to teach myself how to relax.  Maybe sleep an hour later.  To not always have something to do. To ground.

This Fall particularly has felt....dramatic.  I was away for the start of the transition and once I came home, I was knocked off balance.  Things were shifting and whirling around me.  I literally, for once, had no idea where I'd end up.

And honestly....is that so bad?
The not knowing?

Some would say yes...and I'd usually be part of that majority.  But this time I let the winds take me where they may.  I figured I'd land where I'd land, and that I'd be safe.  Because, well...my soul is my soul.  That will never change.

So...turns out, I've landed.  Into this place of possibility.  Into this place of receptivity and....vastness.  If I keep my heart and my mind open just a little bit longer (like, forever)...who knows where I'll end up.

Imagine.....

The vastness....
The possibilities....
The LOVE...

VULNERABILITY

Vulnerability means letting the world see you.

It's raw....It's exposure...

It's the disregard of fears...

Its movement from your heart...

Its the surrender to your truth.

I carry your heart with me 
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear: and whatever is done by only me is your doing, darling)

I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and its you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

~e.e. cummings

FEARLESS

Today I decided it was about time to unnerve myself.

So...naturally...I decided to give Aerial Yoga a try.

I was quite impressed with myself.  There was one pose I was unable to do, there was one pose where I utterly surprised myself, and there was a pose that I was far too afraid of.

I'm not going to lie, I've been a slave to my fears as of late.

There seems to be a lot of sadness surrounding me.  Friends and dear loved ones who's hearts are breaking.  So, naturally...I feel like I'm keeping my soul hidden for safety reasons.

It's surprising to me, because daily I choose to live so fearlessly.  There's not too much about my existence that says "delicate flower".  Yet here I am...craving safety.

Don't get me wrong...there's NOTHING wrong with securing your self, or your soul.  But there is such a thing as getting too comfortable there.  Getting comfortable with just sailing by, without too much excitement. Or really...effort.  It's not really a lack of motivation, it's more like a protective shell.

A shell someone like me just isn't able to tolerate.

We're fierce, and then we fumble.

There's a high tide, and a low tide.

There's embers, and then there's a flame.

We embrace, and we let go.

This is the fluidity we call life.  The ebb and flow which challenges us, big or small.  We're never not moving into this fluidity, and through it.  We make choices and the push and pull arises as we move through the paths we choose.  

At some point...somewhere in our late teens...we start to lose touch with that fearlessness.  That fiery existence that doesn't quiver at the thought of outside elements.  That fire burns deep within us.

As I was hanging upside down terrified by an extra large piece of cloth, it occurred to me that some of that fire would do me good.  As I moved around this cloth I decided to get more comfortable in the unknown...because I was supported by something almost equally unknown (the cloth).  And really...that's the honest to god truth.

We're supported.  Say it out loud....."I'm supported!"

We're supported by our souls, and were supported by our hearts.  Were supported by friends and our loved ones.  We're supported by our laughter.  We're supported by our bones, our muscles, and the dear ground beneath us.  We're supported by....who cares?  The bottom lines is, WE ARE SUPPORTED.

If we can move out of our minds and move from our hearts fear becomes less.  Fear becomes silly, almost. If we allow ourselves to believe in ourselves and whatever it is that supports us, we move differently through this world filled with...."stuff".

Lets get careless...just a little.

Let's get unpredictable, and surprise ourselves.

Let's get real, and move from a deeper place!

Love, love LOVE!

EMBRACE

I've been getting a lot of slack lately...
...and by slack, I mean lots of strange and doubtful looks.

These looks surface when I talk about my nutrition habits...

In the last 2-3 years I've started taking a serious interest in what goes into and onto my body.  Please know, I'm not here to judge my former habits...or any habits of yours.  I'm very aware of why I've made some choices, and I'm aware of why you might be too.  And the thing is...it's OK.  Until it's not.  If the choices you're making are leaving you feeling healthy inside and out, then I'm proud of you!!  If there's even a hint of disease...belly disease, heart disease, disease from sugars, acid reflux, celiac's, gluten intolerance...then I'll be extremely proud of you if you read on with an open mind!

The thing is...if I were looking back at me 5 years ago I'd probably be giving myself the same looks.   These looks are of curiosity, doubt, and are without knowledge.  When I learned I had a gluten intolerance initially, I actually ignored it for about a year.  Living without the foods I had lived with for so long seemed ludicrous! How could my body, OVERNIGHT, be rejecting the things I've eaten since I could ingest solid foods?

The answer is easy....my body was never welcoming of those foods.  It was slowly deteriorating trying to digest them.  My body and I were now having a Come to Jesus.

The hardest truth of the whole matter was, I was fearful of looking deeper into my diet.  I didn't want to think or talk about food...I wanted to EAT it!  Why did I need to think about my food and how my body works with it?  That wasn't part of the deal...we didn't learn that growing up!  And that's just it...99% of us were not taught to look at what was on our plate.  We weren't taught to source our foods locally.  Its OKAY!  It's no one's fault...it's just what we learned.  Processed foods were easy and convenient, therefore nutritional value was not important.  We just didn't know...

...but, now we do.

GMO is a household term, and belly diseases from food are more and more common.  Drug stores are carrying gluten free products...and probiotics to restore gut health.  Friends and family members are co-op sharing to get the freshest and most seasonal produce available to them.  Mothers are researching diets for both themselves and their child so that optimal health can be provided to both mother and child.  There are now options available for not just gluten allergies, but dairy and nut allergies.  Most if not all are pretty easy to find, especially with a quick Google search.

Now...the knowledge is available.  That was probably the most fun for me...acquiring the knowledge. STILL acquiring the knowledge...as to what works, what might not, and where things are coming from.  But mostly, being okay with the change.  Being okay with moving away from what's been conditioned in me, and knowing I'll be in better health for it.  Being okay with investing just a small amount of time to read labels and find the information.

What do you do with all that knowledge?  Try not to latch onto any fads, like going gluten free by choice. Talk to a nutrition professional about your questions.  Preferably outside of the healthcare realm (read: go holistic), but thats a matter of (my) opinion.

People may be looking at me funny, but they're also looking at me differently.
I'm lighter, I'm brighter...and it's organically showing from the inside out.
All because I've finally decided to EMBRACE food...

Think about it....

Love, love, LOVE!

NATURE

April is a busy month.

I just spent a few days on the West Coast where nature is at full throttle.  I was by the ocean, and I sat in the sunshine.  Everything around me was in bloom, and I was surrounded by palm trees in 90 degrees.

I came home to NY, and as I walked my usual walk to the subway this morning...I looked up.  I heard the birds, felt the sunshine, and saw everything around me ready to burst and bloom!  My favorite thing about Spring is...the freshness of the leaves and flowers.  You can see their grooves, and literally see their DNA as if they're newly born.  You can smell spring in the air...it just WANTS to happen!

So please, enjoy this.  While I sleep off the jetlag and dream of warmer breezes....

Winters know
Easily to shed the snow,
And the untaught Spring is wise
In cowslips and anemones.
Nature, hating art and pains,
Baulks and baffles plotting brains;
Casualty and Surprise
Are the apples of her eyes;
But she dearly loves the poor,
And, by marvel of her own,
Strikes the loud pretender down.

For Nature listens in the rose,
And hearkens in the berry's bell,
To help her friends, to plague her foes,
And like wise God she judges well.
Yet doth much her love excel
To the souls that never fell,
To swains that live in happiness,
And do well because they please,
Who walk in ways that are unfamed,
And feats achieve before they're named

.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

PRACTICE

Yes...I am a teacher.

First and foremost, I am a student!

The idea of a "practice" is sometimes less appealing to us.  The idea of repetition, and then repetition quite possibly resulting in failure is just....daunting.  Maybe even a "waste of time".

We're pretty much living in an era of instant gratification.  Hell, if it takes an iPhone more than 10 seconds to respond to our requests we render it useless!  So how on earth are we expected to invest effort into a "practice"?  Because...that's just it.  A true approach to a practice of any sort is an investment in ourselves.

I see it in my students quite a bit.  Frustration that they barely made it on their mats, frustration in a pose, frustration getting out of a pose, frustration breathing or finding themselves on their left side when I cued the right.  I tell my students all the time, if practice held no purpose we'd all be football players and world class pianists.

When you get yourself into a practice, when you become a student of any kind....there is no ultimate.  Only infinite.  Infinite learning, infinite patience, infinite possibilities.

The beauty of investing your time and your efforts is the breakdown.  Eventually, something clicks.  Awareness kicks in and you...get it!  Whether you're practicing yoga, a subject, an instrument, a sport, a trade, or even how to love...keep going.  There are so many obstacles that find their way to our paths...the repetition and determination practice provides IS what helps us overcome. The very concepts we're avoiding and judging are the key!

Whatever you're practicing, you'll fail at least once.  Possibly more than once.

Still...KEEP GOING!

Failure does not define us, nor do our most glamorous achievements.

Courage, strength, determination, and the most humble parts of any practice lead to fulfillment that keeps us going.

Going...to the places too wild to even dream up!

Love, love, LOVE!

YOU

You were my beginning...

I didn't see you coming...
I wasn't ready for you to disarm me.

..but you did it anyway.

Before you, I chose who I let in.
Although it wasn't  love at all.
Living blissfully unaware in a heart that wasn't entirely true.

Before you, I settled.
Inventing qualities in the other that didn't quite exist.
Living in admiration, of nothing.

Before you,  I didn't know forgiveness.
I didn't know to give it, I didn't know to receive it.
Living in a place of complete and utter perfection, all of the time.

Then you.

And there was this mind that knew nothing.
There was this fool that ceased to exist.
I was left wondering what happened.
I was left wondering who you are.
I was left with half my heart.

I feel like I'm in THE MOMENT of my life.
Where this is what's meant to be.
Where I believe in you...
....and let you love me.
We let this become what it wants to be.

Your heart, my heart.

Now you.
Always you.

AWARENESS

This very word is what led me to first cultivate my own yoga practice.
As I dove deeper, the message of awareness is what led me to want to help others.

There's something temporarily blissful, I won't lie, about walking around completely unaware.  Now I compare it to my travels.  When I stumble willingly into an unknown place.  Where I don't know the language, and don't know much about the culture or geographical landscapes.  I'm an outsider looking in, free of responsibility and merely a spectator.

At least, that's what I remember about my approach to life about 14 years ago.  I was unsure why I was such a bulldog in my professional life.  I didn't really know a connection could exist to my inner self, never mind to nature and all the elements around me. I just knew my mind.  Even my heart wasn't fully part of the equation.

Not much of a way to move through life, is it?

When you begin your process of discovering your truth, it usually happens in a time of transition.  Something inside you awakens to something its longing for but does not know how to articulate.  Or how to seek it out.  We're taught as a society to fear the unknown, but when you're in a vulnerable state no matter what the caliber...you walk into the unknown willingly.  There's a refreshing quality, as if something is waiting for you on the other side.  In this case, it's the most authentic version of you you'll ever meet.

Welcoming in the concept of awareness is a quirky one.  It's simplistic in nature.  All you have to do is place your consciousness in places you haven't before.  All you have to do is give yourself time.  All you have to do is give these places proper attention.  What you uncover....well, it's not as simplistic.  You'll find your dualities at your core.  Your pleasures and your pain, your likes and dislikes, your emotions both positive and not so positive, your past and present, your most anticipated dreams and your most dreaded fears.  The vastness of what resides once you place your awareness within yourself is astounding.

Self realization could be overwhelming, but ONLY IF YOU LET IT!

Place acceptance where you once relied on judgement.  Judgement has no place within awareness...only acceptance will help you sift through your consciousness.  The process of realization will be vast, but acceptance will be your dear friend.  Approaching your own nature with a sense of nurture will be the very principle that will allow you to relate your nature to the rest of nature around you.

How are you moving through your life?
Is there a sense of anything that might be missing?
Can you identify an inner connection with yourself?
Do you want to learn more?

While I personally love stumbling into foreign territories and finding my way through the landscape, that's not true to life.  The truth in awareness connects us to ourselves, then to outside life and nature.

And how very, very precious it is.
To feel...connected.

UNCONDITIONAL

Love.
Something I don't pretend to know all that much about.

I'm proud to say I'm still learning about love....we all are.
Learning to love ourselves, our environment, and one another.

It's funny when you think about it...the same things we're trying to love most times seem like the hardest. They're the ones that we sometimes perceive as bringing us down, resisting us, giving us a hard time...and have us questioning ourselves....."do we have enough to give?".

As much as we think we love...there's something absolutely divine in the unconditional way of it.  We meet people in this world who require our unconditional love...while never having to answer to the question "why?".  It's just done.   It just happens. Loving unconditionally doesn't mean our love will be returned.  It doesn't mean we'll be rewarded.  Unconditional, by nature, just isn't about us.

Unconditional love cannot be controlled.  Its beyond reason.  It however, requires receptivity.  This might be the hardest part.  Letting go, and letting love in.  Feeling like we deserve what someone else is about to hand our way so freely.  What makes us deserve this...love?  We feel unworthy.  Unsure.

If you're the one handing out this gift of love, it's one of question...one of mystery.  Because it guides you, not the other way around.  You find yourself in a way with the world around you that you haven't quite experienced.  The forgiveness flows, the compassion undying.

Unconditional love doesn't have to run terribly deep.  It just requires acceptance.  On both parts, really.   I'm not quite sure it's to be understood.  Or if it needs to be.  Because I mean really...LOVE...it's just amazing.

Simplistic by nature, love allows us to expand from the inside out.  No restraints and no expectations.  It allows us to live in the moment and truly experience fully while we're there.  It moves past the existence of our deepest fears and into a place in our hearts that surprises us.

If we surrender to this space, and to the people/places/things offering it to us...well...I feel like it defines the meaning of life.  To be unified...to be vast...to be unafraid...and to be protected.

Unconditional love is around you in some form, in some way.  Welcome the idea of welcoming love into your ever-changing universe.

Everything will change, but love remains the same.